It’s not every day I get to hang out with Paul Chek…at his home no less. This to me is one of the biggest draws for coming to ZIG. I get to see the man in action, in his environment….with just a few other cool/sensitive people around.
But this being my third time attending ZIG, I had hung out with Paul CHEK at his house a few times…and I actually had bigger reasons for wanting to attend yesterday. I came to ZIG of Friday with the intention of learning more about intimacy. This is an issue I have been struggling with for a long time, and really is a significant blockage on my path to healthy relationships.
I had been looking forward to this day for weeks. I had a booth at the CHEK Conference the week prior, and I was feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
After picking up breakfast/lunch from whole foods, Lukas and I raced up to Vista, to go to Paul’s house. I then sprinted from my car to Paul Chek’s house to see this amazing site! That first walk through the Zen rock garden felt like I was walking in between statues of towering titans who have long since left the earth.
I was greeted by Vidya (I LOVE VIDYA!!) as we got to the door and was stolked to see Paul ??? and his wife Melissa. I met Paul ??? in the first ZIG I attended and really value his friendship and his life path intersecting mine. Then I was stolked again to see Donal (not Donald) Carr. Donal is the Chek Affiliate down in Australia and has been doing a TON to spread the Chekies down under.
We then grouped up in Paul’s living room and he shared that we would be going on a hiking meditation and then go stack rocks in the rock garden!! Fun!
So we walked through the zen rock garden, went up hill a few blocks to the trail head. Paul informed us that we would be going on a 45 minute hiking loop, with no talking. He asked to ask the great spirits any question we wanted, and then to pay attention to yes or no answers with the changing wind (eg. a wind dead spot, or increase in velocity), or any other signs in nature. He also told us to keep our tongue on the roof of our mouth, just behind our teeth (I assume for optimum Qi flow), and to pay special attention to the moisture in our mouth, and to hike at a slower pace if our mouths became dry. After all, this wasn’t a workout hike, it was a meditation hike for parasympathetic stimulation and contemplation.
So off I headed, with the biggest question for the spirit with no name…what does intimacy look like in nature? And how can I use that example of intimacy in my own life?
So we began hiking in silence. I began asking great spirit for help understanding intimacy in nature. I walked in my Vibram 5 fingers and really enjoyed the acupressure of the pointy stones on the sore spots on my feet. I observed the hues of green and the late summer southern California hill-scape. I tried to contemplate intimacy, and really only found anxiety and mental chatter.
But I kept hiking at our gentle pace, and kept observing the moisture in my mouth and the wildlife around me, paying attention to each step on the dirt and rock path. I contemplated vibrant bushes rooted deep in the ground and swaying in the wind, dying grasses lining the trail, and stones jutting out of the dirt. I watched the birds of prey soar high above and thought about coyotes tearing their rabbits to shreds, in harmony and intimacy? Stories from my former Aikido Sensei poured though my mind.
As we neared the crest of the loop, I noticed that I had been following very closely on the heels of Lukas in front of me – I saw myself putting non-verbal pressure on him…probably forcing him out of his own rhythm, something that I judged as the opposite of intimacy. It was humbling to it contemplate that I have done throughout many of my relationships, romantic and otherwise. While this was a useful tactic that has protected me and gotten me what I wanted in the past, greater intimacy will come with letting people have their own pace in my WE relationships.
At the top of the loop the group took a rest, I had a pee, and picked some Annis seeds. They taste like black liquorice, and I have nibbled on this plant since my father and mother first showed me them 
Almost immediately after we started on the downward part of the loop it hit me. Acceptance is a part of intimacy…acceptance acceptance acceptance. Over and over I kept hearing it in my head. Great spirit gave me the next piece of my journey into intimacy ^_^ I didn’t really know what kind of acceptance, so I figured it was all of them – acceptance of myself, my lover, my friends, my strangers, my love, my life…just as the bushes, grass, bugs, herbivores, birds of prey did. They all accepted and adapted to the seasons, the rainfall, the changing air, their neighbors…and did their best to thrive in harmony with their circumstances.
I continued to enjoy more Annis seeds, pay attention to the trail (it has since turned steep and rockier!), and reflect on intimacy. I felt about Paul ??? and Melissa’s relationship, and how it felt like *I* would like to have a relationship like that.
Then as we neared the end of the trail, I felt the urge to slow down, fall back, and walk slowly apart from everyone. Then a bit of a fog and some little streaks that came over my vision, and I felt like I was seeing and feeling the interaction of all the living beings in that canyon. I don’t know, but it was interesting to feel/see whatever it was.
At the end of the trail I shared that I felt quite heavy and a bit sleepy…the same way I feel when I am discussing some heavy emotional things with JP Sears. Either Paul Chek or Vidya suggested to me that it wasn’t that I was tired, it was more that I was so jacked up and in a state of GOGOGO that a more parasympathetic (but closer to natural body baseline) state feels a bit “sleepier”.
**CONSIDER MAKING THIS PART TWO**
After the hike, we jumped into the garden…well I should say that we tip-toed in and had Paul explain to us 17 different ways we could be seriously injured by bouncing rocks, stacks of rocks falling, rocks with spiders under them, or running away from the above and then tripping on other rocks, and so on. So in this sense stacking rocks is about as dangerous as a martial art (Aikido is my favorite) and requires just as much attention, and has as much potential for catalyzing personal growth ^_^
After going through the safety rule, Lukas asked:
“Right but WHY do we stack rocks?”
Paul responded with something like:
“First, there is great therapeutic benefit to unbounded play. I would have so much more stress if I didn’t come out here and play in the garden.”
Paul then continued, “Second, everything in life is a relationship…nothing can exist without being in relationship to something else. And stacking rocks is all about creating harmonious relationships. But, when the rocks fall down, we get to 1) practice non-attachment 2) try some new relationships that might work better.”
So while everyone began creating their rock stacks, I kinda walked around tried to feel where the rocks were pulling me, and what the rocks and my soul wanted me to do. My very first time in the garden in March…Paul told me to “feel where I should make a stack”. And then “feel which rock was pulling me”. I wasn’t really feeling where I was suppose to go. Or what rocks to work with. So I just sat on this really cool throne rock (see above), and tried to feel what it feels like to be a rock.
While I was chilling like a rock, I got to enjoy everyone around me stack their rocks. I reflected a bit…in my own life it’s not always my turn to create myself, but sometimes I just need to observe…especially as a business owner, I need to step aside and let others create on my behalf.
I was quite impressed with the first stack Lukas had ever made (above)!
After a bit I started to feel the rock mojo and began to play with some rocks. I felt around, made a stack, took it down and just enjoyed the sun and watching everyone else.
It was really fun watching Paul stack rocks. He makes such TALL stacks!
In past rock gardens I have been quite hesitant to build high or stack big rocks. So today I decided to really get risky and make something I couldn’t have dared to make previously. I have spent much of my life in fear my own power. As a bright, personable individual, I will be able to go far, do what I commit to, date lots of great people, have fun experiences and the like…but I have been holding back and self-sabotaging. Maybe fear of being a bit of being too tall a poppy (tall poppies get cut down)? Fear of people not relating to me?
I have also been afraid of making mistakes. I am not sure where this come from because obviously everyone make many mistakes throughout their lifetime. And I have been and still am very harsh to myself when I make mistakes.
I have found Paul’s Zen Garden one place where I can safely move out of my comfort zone and grow through some issues of perfectionism and self-sabotage (what a nasty combo!).
There I am carefully adjusting what I consider to be some large, heavy rocks (see above)…especially compared to my first rock stack I ever made (see below).
INSERT PHOTO OF MY FIRST TINY ROCK STACK ^^___
And here’s Vidya (below), making a rock stack taller than her in about 10 minutes flat. Vidya told me that “She just stacks the rocks up, and doesn’t care if they fall, since she isn’t attached to them.” I am so thankful she’s my business (and life) coach!
Here’s a cool collection of stacks by my buddy Paul! I really have a great time with Paul every time we had out:
Different rock types require different relationships…generally round river rocks will be much more difficult. And in the spirit of doing more daring and impossible things, I choose to make a fairly tall stack of just river rocks. It was so fun because this stack just came together in just a few minutes! I was so proud of myself to literally and metaphorically go for it!
Around this time we went and had a lunch and laid on the cool tile floors of Paul’s living room. We chilled out, chanted a few ohms, and harmonized with the rocks a bit.
And Paul Chek told us some *crazy* stories about his days as a logger. Really amazing stuff that I won’t go into here…but if you come to ZIG next time, be sure to ask him about “spiders, sap, and logging”. Hahahah.
It’s great breaking (gluten free ^^__) bread with everyone. I feel a bit naive saying it, but if everyone took a day each week to be with nature, we could enjoy more of the vitality of our ancestors.
After lunch it was back to the garden, to stand among the rock beings we were creating and enjoying. It really felt like we were walking among giants.
At this point I was able to tune out most of my internal chatter and just enjoy the garden. Yes I was looking to learn more about intimacy, but was just as focused on having fun in our unbounded play.
I find my healthy child-like curiosity and imagination can be quickly re-sparked with unbounded play like this.
How much more healthy would we be with more parents, couples and children playing outdoors together instead of trying of working to pay off shit we don’t need?
The day after a previous rock garden, I found myself to be much less intellectual and much more *feeling* what others were saying or explaining to me. Being a trained physicist and having had many emotional needs meet through pleasing teachers and parents with good grades, it feels quite amazing to be switched into a more right brained state ^_^.
I also took the opportunity to enjoy some of Paul’s “night soil fertilized” tangerines…so tasty!!
It was just so fun stacking the rocks, even the small ones. See that big smile on my face 
And here is the man at work:
And one last pose for the cameras:
And one of his students at play, planking his ass off.
And a few more laughs to tears!!
Some last bits of debriefing from General Chek…
And making love to the rocks!!
So all in all I had a day full of reflection, laughter, intimacy, meditation and nurturing energy. Honestly though, words fail me. There was much more happening that what I was able to observe with my conscious mind and report back to you.
Words fail to convey how nurturing it is for me to hang out with such like-minded people in such a fun, playful and safe environment. Although I am more comfortable in my skin than ever, it is nice to be even more myself, explore more of myself and to feel fully supported while doing it.
But if I must sum it up with words, I would say this.
Taisen Deshimaru (samurai master) said, learn to think with your whole body. And to me, learning thinking with your whole body is what Zen in the Garden at Paul Chek’s house is all about.
If that is something in which you’re interested, I’ll catch you there next time!
W0000hooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To life!@!@
